salvaging..

a few shoutouts before we begin?

check out the new poem sahas by my friend on his blogpage mentioned below, do comment agar pasand aaye:-

Sahas

also, if juniors studying computer science need any help, we have this channel to clear your concepts.. fees bas itni hai ki tumhe subscribe karna hai aur tuned rehna hai jab tak portion khatam nahi ho jaata11th aur 12th dono ka:-

Code Freak

and getting back..

hope sab sahi chal raha hai..

colleges start ho gaye kuch logon ke.. and then there's me jiska kuch decided nahi hai ki karna kya hai aage.. hopefully cet ke results ke baad.. agar drop lene ka plan drop ho gaya ya koi dhang ka college nahi mila, foreign hi bhej denge, jo mujhe jaana nahi..

thik hai woh sab toh dekha jayega aage, abhi sort of break mila hai, enjoy kar lena chahiye shayad.. mimi ab tak nahi dekhi but 2 - 3 cheezein ki jo 12th ke baad karni thi..

like recording myself singing my favorite songs or playing instruments jo 9th khatam hone ke baad kabhi haath lagaye hi nahi the..

kuch toh list mein se khatam hua.. and, i finally finished sweetener world tour ka live album.. yeh mere liye sach mein achievement se kam nahi hai, batata hu kyu.. ek saal lag gaye 32 songs ki yeh playlist khatam karne mein.. soch sakte ho, pichle saal 19th june ko pehla track stream kiya tha and i guess parso khatam hua, haa..

since my everything completed 8 years recently, i really would want y'all to listen one last time at least ek baar.. 'cause that's the only ariana song that truly deserves it, baaki toh pasand ke upar hai i don't wanna get into that.. i'd always keep recommending this track as i meet more and more people and tell them to spread the word too.. toh a small request, sunn lo agar nahi suna hai.. and do let me know kaisa laga.. shukriya..

achche se so liya, now back with this one.. and obviously i didn't stream ghostin.. the day i'll hear it, sabko bata dunga, and i don't wanna hear it anytime soon, so chill..

aur kuch kehne layak, chhodo yaad nahi aa raha..

(haa yahan se start)

the thing is, i didn't want to start this one too the way i've started my recent blogs.. 

and wait a sec, i hope koi nahi ho but if anybody thinks this guy is just exaggerating his sentiments on nothing precise, i'd request mat padho aage..

'cause if you're reading this, yeh cheezein tumhare mann mein aani nahi chahiye aur agar yeh tumhare mann mein aa rahi hain, then probably you shouldn't be reading this..

be it pichle 4 mahine, ya pichle 4 blogs counting this too, it's been weird.. pata hi nahi kya chal raha hai.. i've started associating myself with words i never used ya jo hamesha avoid karta tha kyuki kabhi use karne ki zarurat hi nahi padi.. 12th khatam hone ki itni excitement thi 12th ke shuru hone se bhi pehle.. par tab tak hi thi, jab tak sach mein 12th khatam nahi ho gaya.. everything i was excited for 12th ke doran and i had postponed ki 12th ke baad karenge, ab karne ka mann hi nahi.. not sure if issi wajah se hua hai.. yeh thode dino pehle se hi likhna tha, kuch kuch cheezein thi jo sach mein thi blog worthy thi but ab jab likh raha hu, aa hi nahi raha kuch dimaag mein.. 

in my recent blogs, rather than only throwing my views, i've tried talking; sharing my thoughts and connecting ki haa this and this i've been through, and i ain't sure kab tak hoga, this too shall pass se le karke all too well tak hi journey sab daalunga yahan.. wahi likha bhi hai aage..

it all started april mein i guess? in my head daala, i still don't know maine kya likha tha usme.. haa i rewrote it many times but yaad nahi exactly kya likha tha.. i never read my blogs ek baar post karne ke baad.. then uss blog ka continuation, turmeric stains.. boards khatam hote hi lekar baith gaya tha.. and the most recent one, issi month ke beginning mein tha aur ab ek aur.. like second one in the same month itself..

someday if i'll read those, mujhe pakka baaki kuch realise ho nahi ho yeh cheez pakka realise hogi ki whatever i wrote whatever i posted whatever i shared, i just used this thing as i guess some sort of medium taaki andar kya chal raha hai bahar aa sake and kab kya chal raha tha uska ek track rahe..

and iske baad, i'll try not writing anything related to this aage.. iss par ya doosre blogpage par, kahin bhi.. 'cause obviously likhna ka part side mein rakh bhi dein toh tumhare perspective se ek baar ke liye dekhu toh it feels sad ki achcha bhala din guzar raha hai and then you have this blog out and padhkar mood hi spoil ho gaya.. i know some people would deny (shukriya) but i'm considering everybody.. kyuki intentionally aese blogs likhne ka koi motive hota nahi trust me.. it's just whenever things get too messed up in my head, i switch to this tab and start typing randomly.. yes, exactly the way i'm doing it right now..

i realised ki jab tak kuch cheezein ho nahi jaati, hame uss par believe hota hi nahi.. similarly, kuch cheezein aesi bhi hoti hain jo ho toh jaati hain but hame believe hi nahi hota ki actually mein ho chuki hai and unn par eventually bina chahte hue bhi believe karna padta hai..

i know bohot abrupt hai yeh blog bhi.. ek ek para ke baad topic change, like wapas ek baar agar padhoge ya agar nahi bhi padhoge wapas, pehli baar mein hi pata toh chal gaya hoga ki kya likha hai, kuch bhi nahi hai.. there's nothing you would be taking with yourself jab yeh padhkar khatam ho jayega.. (hope tumhe lage nahi)

meri so called strawberry duniya ka bubble pop nahi burst hua.. and bohot painful way mein realise hua ya realise karwaya gaya ki yeh tumhari sapno ki duniya nahi jisme sab tumhare according chale ya let me put it this way, jisme tum hamesha khush raho..

'we'll get through this, we'll get past this' karte karte through bhi nahi aur past bhi nahi jaa paaya..

that scene from jab we met, 'sapno ki duniya mein rehti hai woh..' "and tumne usse yakeen dila diya ki yeh woh duniya nahi hai.." literally that..

'cause tum kabhi consider/ expect hi nahi karte people are gonna cross the line which separates these 2 worlds.. (note the fact i didn't mention crossing in or crossing out; it's just crossing)

i feel yahin par haar gaya.. kyuki itne saare external factors aa jaate hain ki it's literally difficult to choose, kaunsa..

but now, even if i'm not in that frolic state, i'm happy i ain't sad.. nobody did this to me, bhale woh aese situation mein daalna ho ya aese situation mein se nikaalna.. it's all me.. i'll blame myself along with giving credits to myself only..

that's it people.. i mean, at this point i'm out of words.. itna bhar bhar kar likh diya hai pichle blogs mein ki ab i literally don't know likhna hai kya.. aage agar likha, repetitive ho jayega, jo main chahta nahi.. toh i guess i'll stop? next blog mujhe aesa lagta hai would be pacification of these ones.. ki haa solemn hokar yeh sab toh likh diya, pacificy karega kaun.. toh haa you can expect next blog would be in a very good tone.. (usske agle ka pata nahi, kidding kidding)

jaate jaate ek cheez kahunga ki, it's actually very nice of y'all ki tum padhkar reviews dete ho and i really appreciate that.. but ek cheez jo mujhe khatakti hai is when people say 'blogs are relatable..' i mean, mujhe pata nahi relatable sunnkar ajeeb lagta hai.. maybe iss wajah se ki that relatable thing is not in a good way, kyuki haa koi good terms par relate ho aesa blog aaya hi nahi iss saal.. toh haa, woh ek cheez thi..

get well soon if you are sick..

all the best aage ke saalon ke liye 'cause we all need that..

thanks for reading.. 🎉

(and ghostin ghostin itna isiliye kar raha hu because of the track, pehla minute bhi sunn loge pata chal jayega kyu)