just look up..

hello there, tiny elephants..

hope everyone is doin' well and is healthy..

back with 3rd one of this month.. 🎉

dekho pichle blogs i know were so evident ki yeh out of frustration likha hai maine, ki bande ko koi mil nahi raha hai sunane ke liye toh yahan par aa jata hai, i get that.. lekin, yeh vaisa nahi hai, i promise..

i just want to feel good, just like that, hence i'm writing this.. kyu, mat pucho.. i'd be lying if i say i have a reason for the same.. i personally don't like breaking streaks but yeh, jo pichle kuch blogs se bani hai, usse todna necessary hai..

toh likhi hai kuch kuch cheezein aage ussi ke related, hoping jo portray karna chahta hu, woh actual mein portray ho..

i guess this is the 174th post? and iss post ke saath, 1400 views cross ho jaayenge.. average dekhne jaaoge toh bohot hi kam aayega kyuki blogs koi padhta nahi yeh fact hai.. (utna bhi worst nahi hai as initially public nahi karta tha toh unn par single digit views hain aur vaise posts are in hundreads) sab hi ko 15 seconds ke reels zada fascinating lagte hain..

if you're reading this right now, a big thank you for deliberately doing so.. your view does matter and it genuinely makes me happy and wanna write more blogs in future..

it was march of 2021 jab yeh blogpage public kiya tha.. start kisi aur hi note par kiya tha.. i began posting with one liners each day.. lag bhag march end se lekar september tak chala, eventually ran out of 'thoughts..'

phir, kuch tha nahi post karne ke liye, but since i wanted to, toh november mein, blog daal diya.. it was alomst like i wanted to have one to one conversation with the reader and woh skill develop karni thi.. isiliye blogs having self talks in it, vaisa kuch likhna shuru kar diya.. phir a little sweetener wala, that's my favourite.. then this year, january mein ek look back to 2021 types ek blog tha, casually hi likh diya 'cause ek so called sum up rehta hai toh it's always good..

phir april se jo shuru hua hai, literally.. 180 turnaround.. seriously pata nahi kya hua, kaise hua.. till date i think about how my mind took toll so suddenly and iss tarah jo kabhi socha bhi nahi tha.. i did everything i felt right at that moment.. be it seeking help from people or listening songs or anything that would just keep me away for thinking about that matter for a while and help me not deal with this; not accepting, or delaying accepting i guess? i tried alternate alternatives.. status spam karna, insta par jaakar posts spam karna 2 - 3 din lagatar.. aur inn sab se time mile toh blogs par wapas aa jana.. tried keeping myself busy in every way possible.. i do and at the same time do not feel sorry for myself.. kyuki for someone who hasn't been familiar with situation like this, it's totally crazy.. (obviously not in a good way)

but then you realise that's life.. it's not only with me or with you or your neighbour.. sabke saath hota hai.. so called phase hai, ab isme pade rehna ya nikal tumhare haath mein hai, kuch saalon ya kuch mahino baad mudkar dekhunga toh yaad bhi nahi rahega.. itna silly lagega yeh sab.. which kinda means, it's not that big of a deal jitna we start considering it to be.. there are other people dealing with bigger problems, the actual ones jisko isse compare karoge toh kuch bhi nahi lagega yeh sab..

and yeh ghaddhe se nikalne wala kaam, khud hi karna padega; the light won't be coming to give back everything the darkness stole, or anything for that fact.. it's in our hands literally..

some part of me knows it feels right right now whereas some part of me also knows ki aage jaakar agar kabhi padha yeh sab, jo physical cringe aayega bulk mein.. (gotta be ready for it)

see the thing i made very clear shuru mein hi ki it ain't personal attack on nobody.. this year gave me the best of my memories jo maine baar baar kaha hai, would never deny that, i'm really grateful for those and even beyond that.. but at the same time i've felt worst as a person too.. i never thought out of n number of things in me, my immaturity jo shayad thi bhi nahi, meri so called highlight ban jayegi.. 'cause yes i'm not the best in the room and i guess that is why it is what it is.. yet i never took that personally and kept going saying 'hogi isiliye toh kaha, koi nahi improve kar lenge' to myself and never allowed that judgment to break dynamics with people i know.. have always been terrified and not just afraid of regrets since who wants to have regrets 20 - 30 saal baad for such silly things? having gratitude towards all those cherishable memories you've shared is something we would want as a person right?

i know aage sab thik hi hoga.. 'cause when everything around me is changing, i'm happy to know somethings aren't and won't ever.. nothing is provoking me from actually cutting ties because of all this and if somebody has done something like this, i just don't get it how.. one of many reasons which made me skeptical..

and if there's anything common in all of my blogs or agar koi highlight hoga iss blogpage ka, then it'll definitely be about realising realisations..

i've realised khud ko convince karna is way too easy.. to push it, your boundaries and neglecting all those things around you rather than accepting, what's actually going around you, it's very easy.. 'we don't want us to be looked as mentally weak.. trust me, faking to be strong is far worse than admitting to be weak.. i’m looked at as a guy who is mentally very strong, which i am.. but everyone has a limit and you need to recognise that limit, otherwise things can get unhealthy for you..'

ok putting full stop on this for once and for all..

inn sabke bich mein everything happened so quickly realise hi nahi hua.. colleges shuru ho gaye doston ke, woh doosre state bhi chale gaye, dhang se farewell bhi bid nahi kar paaya..

one thing i wanna know, from everybody ki thik hai, nayi jagah jaa rahe ho, naye logon ke bich mein, i wanna know, how y'all would desribe me?

i mean the idea of thinking about what they would tell them about me literally excites me..

i mean soch ke dekho.. newly met people seeing old photos of yours and asking 'who is this', 'and who's that' and you subtly telling them your fondest experiences with them and all of that nostalgia, i mean, kitna sahi hai.. do let me know if possible, 'cause i want to feel good about this so bad..

one thing i wanna say before ending this, is i wanna say, teach so many things to myself.. i have always talked about how to deal with xyz situations doston ke saath.. now i guess i need to appply of those on myself too.. i need to talk to myself about what exactly the problem is.. to keep myself busy i'll start reading books, definitely this time i will, instead writing blogs with no literal content..

thik hai, koi nahi dekhte hain..

jaate jaate yeh likhne ke bohot mann kar raha hai pata nahi kyu,

let the world run by itself, 'cause stars never gaze back upon us..

that's it people..

enjoy the festive season..

take care of yourselves..

spread love, god bless..

and haa,

"celebrate or cry or pray, whatever it takes, to get you through the mess we made, 'cause tomorrow may never come.. ✨"